Just so you know, these are not all true for me, but I can relate to OH so many of them. Oh, and I know lots of people who were actually born here…
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You Know You’re From Colorado When… |
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People move onto the highway at 15 miles an hour. You have absolutely no recognizable accent. If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it “muggy”. You only go to Central City when friends are in from out of town. You have been skiing less than 10 times in your life You think 5-points is a ghetto. You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed. You say things like “I don’t care how big Golden is, You think only stupid people get lost in your town. When giving directions, you never say “Turn left, turn right”, it’s always go West, then South. During a thunderstorm you wonder “which I-25 underpass is flooding”. You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months. If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle. You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation. You have a broken windshield. You see no reason to travel to Aurora. The only RTD bus you’ve been on is the 16th Street shuttle. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car. You thought “Californication” would be banned by Amendment 2. You think “South Park” is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista. You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald’s in Vail. You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage. You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna. You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting. You’ve never seen the tourist attractions in your own city. You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman. You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding. Your real Y2K fear was running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix. The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. You personally wouldn’t pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it. You get depressed after one day of foggy weather. You think that formal wear is ironed denim. North means “mountains to the left;” south is “mountains to the right;” and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from. You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels “sticky” and you notice the sky is no longer blue. You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks. You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there. You think gun control is a steady hand. You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing. You’ve stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight. You know what the “Peoples Republic of Boulder” means. You’re a meat eating vegetarian. You think the major food groups are Boulder Bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer. You’ve been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate your local sports team’s victory. You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can’t get to work if there are 4 inches of snow. You know the correct pronunciation of Buena Vista. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz. Your car insurance costs more than your car. You have surge protectors on every outlet. April showers bring May blizzards. You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look closer to see if it’s anyone you know. “Timberline” is someplace you have actually been. Many times. You know what a “Chinook” is. You know what a “rocky mountain oyster” is. You know what a “fourteener” is. But you don’t know what a “turn signal” is. A bear on your front porch doesn’t bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod. People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn’t seem strange. Thunder has set off your car alarm. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal. “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads!” You know where Doc Holliday’s grave is. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight. Driving directions usually include ‘Go over ____ Pass…’ You’ve used “checking for ticks” as an excuse to get someone naked. You’ve gone skiing in July. You’ve gone sunbathing in January. They were both in the same year. You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream You know the elevation of a town, but not its population. You never pack away your coat and sweaters. You can name only two people you know who were actually born in Colorado. You call tumbleweed “groundcover”. You love your Broncos, your Avs, your Rockies, Nuggets – well you can’t have everything. You or someone you know plays golf 12 months of the year. You don’t have AC in your home, but you use it in your car all winter long. If it snows in the morning you expect it to be gone by lunchtime. You can name the states that make up the Four Corners. You know what and where the Continental Divide is. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Colorado. |
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Sarah Bearah 