This is definitely a more difficult chapter to relate to than the first two, but perhaps that is because it points out some hard to accept facts about the characteristics of women. Things that we don’t want to believe, but deep down, we know they are true. Though, I don’t count issues like the ones found in this chapter “fun”, I think they are necessary to address in order to become a better person. (At least, I know for me, becoming a better person will be a life-long pursuit. I fear the day that I ever think I have “arrived.”)
Something that really struck me about this chapter is what they said about Eve accepting the fruit in the garden from the serpent, or rather she accepted his reasons for why she should eat it. The book said, “The woman was convinced. …. Convinced of what? ….Convinced that God was holding out on her. Convinced that she could not trust his heart toward her. Convinced that in order to have the best possible life, she must take matters into her own hands. And so she did.” I don’t know about you, but I have to admit that I am guilty of the same sin. I desperately want to be able to pray, “God, take me. I am your servant. Do whatever you want with me.” Honestly, I am afraid to say that prayer, I am afraid to mean that prayer. I am afraid of what will happen if I say that prayer. Will I have to go to the deserts of Africa? Will God ask me to do something I am not capable of, or worse, that I really don’t want to do? Will something horrible happen?
Does this resonate with anyone?
Of course, when I really examine those fears… I realize they are unwarranted and totally faithless- but they are still there. If I know and search who God really is… I know there is no reasons for my fears. If I have a relationship with him, I know that he will be with me through anything. I like the verse the book references: “Whatever is not from faith is sin.” (Romans 14:23) But these fears- they all point to control issues.
One of the other things this chapter talks about is two different types of women: Dominating and controlling woman, and desolate and vulnerable women. I would have to say that I am as the book says, “some odd combination of both.” What I am finding out the more that I think about both types of woman, is that both of the are trying to control their lives, they just go about it differently. I can certainly point out, and have been the victim of, well, both types in my life. I am one who would admire that a “controlling” woman can get what she wants. I am the desperate woman who has a hard time standing up to people, friends, for fear of losing a relationship, or having someone not like me. So the “controlling” woman in me takes an awful long time to really be herself with anyone. I fear the vulnerability. I think I am starting to grasp the point that being this way, and in connection with my fear of really giving myself over to God is that I am refusing to trust God. Now that I realize that, I can honestly say that I am working on it. I think it will probably be a life long battle, although I would hope that it would not be.
So Lord, today I confess my sin, of refusing to fully trust you with every aspect of my life. I ask for your forgiveness. And because I know that you have already forgiven me, I thank you for it. Help me to fully trust you with everything. Help me be like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego- to bow to no one but you, whether you choose to save me from the fire or not. I love you.