I’m frustrated. With finances. I can see why so many people are dealing with foreclosures, with the cost of living going up, but not wages. It’s a good thing my hubby works his tail off (with 2nd, 3rd, and 4th odd jobs), or we just wouldn’t be making it. Still, it is super frustrating that his regular paycheck only leaves us with $25 a month to pay for gas and groceries. Seriously. I have a hard time with the uncertainty of it all.
I’m at one of those stations in life, where I just have to trust. Trust God and my husband that everything is going to be okay. And I believe that, I do, but I have a hard time not being involved with “the bringing of bacon.” I know my job as a mother and house-wife is really important and totally irreplaceable, but I just feel restless right now. I don’t like feeling like I only contribute to the “outgo” of things. I know I need to change my thinking.
At the same time, I feel really guilty complaining about this too. I know there are a lot of people in worse off situations than mine. They are losing their homes for real, and they don’t know where their next meal is coming from. What do I possibly have to complain about?
Anyways, as you can see, I haven’t brought any form of a consensus or closure to this. It’s ongoing, and I don’t have the answers. I just needed to get it out there, out of my head where I could see it. Plus, I’m tired of not writing because of all these worries that are blocking my brain. So this is my attempt to un-block, to better understand myself, to be active. I accept the risk that sometimes I might look pretty silly or stupid, or irrational, or any other negative adjective you can stick in there. I just can’t hole it up in my head anymore. It must come out.
There, I said it. I’m nervous, but I think I’ll feel better.
I have decided that my blog needs a new title. Yes, Sermon on the Mount of Laundry was very apt at the time it was chosen, but it has run it’s course, and I don’t really feel it’s very relevant anymore. I’ve kind of pigeonholed myself as far as blog content goes and well, it just sounds too…churchy…and that is not how I want to appear at this time. So I need a title that encompasses a lot, something that is relevant to me, and will stay relevant. I’m thinking a one or two word title that sums everything up and can kind of become my identity. You know, like Dorkwad, Purple Girl, Geekoid, Big Schnozz, Weasel, Sarski Bearsky or Moron…just kidding.
Why am I telling you this, you ask? Well, I need your help. List your suggestions in my comments, and if I choose your title, I will send you a little gift. Like say, a piece of pottery (I’ve been to the studio twice now!), or a nifty knitted something or another (whichever materializes first…probably more likely the pottery…) I’ll unveil the winning title when I unveil my updated blog…
So, chop chop! Think away! Get those brains whirring! (No more blogging for me while watching Harry Potter, I say!)
And of course…I reserve the right (it’s always reserved isn’t it?) to change my mind.
I’m in love with my boys’ new bunk-bed! I can’t believe how much cleaner their room looks all the time, and the boys really enjoy it. The extra bonus is that (most nights) they actually go to sleep when I put them to bed now. I was a little worried about Beau wanting to jump off the top, but so far it’s not been a problem. The little monkey has already figured the whole thing out.
Wow, has it been 3 months already? It has gone so fast! The last few months I was pregnant with you, I felt like time was never going to speed up, and now that you’re here, it wont slow down.
You’re changing a little bit every day. Some days, after you’ve taken a long nap, you wake up, and you look different than when you dropped off to sleep a few hours before. It’s amazing to see change happen like that. You’ve gone from an ambiguous little baby with a decent amount of brown hair, to a full-blown girl with long luscious eyelashes, round blue eyes, and still a decent amount of brown hair.
You are pretty happy, most of the time. You smile a lot, especially at me, your daddy and your brothers.
Sometimes, I can get you talk to me a bit. It definitely sounds like you are trying your hardest to form some words, but what is coming out, sure sounds cute. When you’re not happy, you’re pretty clear about it. You like yell a bit. And boy, have you got some healthy lungs. There have been nights when you are “stating your piece” that your dad and I have had to shut the window, for fear you’ll wake up the neighbors. Seriously.
Fortunately, Mommy and Daddy have figured out how to abate the outbursts for now. Like a true girl, it’s not the same thing every time. Sometimes your shirt is wet and cold from all your drooling (easy fix), sometimes your diaper is full (also easy to fix), sometimes you just want to see the world all around you, and sometimes you just want to be rocked to sleep (in the upright position, of course!) Mommy is hoping that all the late night rocking sessions are melting her love-handles away. Whether they are or not, there really is nothing comparable to the feeling of having a baby fall asleep in your arms.
You are a strong little thing. You’ve been supporting your weight with your legs (read: standing up while Mommy holds your wiggly self) since you were about three weeks old. You hold your head up just fine now, and have pretty good control over it.
You seem to adore your brothers. Each time one of them approaches you, your attention is solely focused on them. You smile and watch, wide-eyed, and with Drew, who is good at sitting down with you for several minutes, you will goo and gaa.
This morning, it almost sounded like you were trying to say “I love you,” to him. It’s so funny watching the concentration and effort on your face as you are trying to communicate.
I am still in awe that I have a little girl. I find myself catching my breath and fighting back emotional tears when I realize what a gift you are. I’m hoping this is something that never wears off.
Love you, sweetheart, Momma
My weekend (and Kev’s) went really well. I was able to de-stress and have a good time with my parents and the kids. We took the boys to a local pumpkin patch, which we had never done before and we went to their cousin’s birthday party too. It was a good weekend. It’s been a little difficult to get back into the swing of things this week. I’ve had a rather large mountain of laundry to scale and all the other household tasks are just screaming to be attended to as well.
I’ve begun to realize what an accomplishment driven person I am. If I’m not able to get what I think should be done, done- then I’m pretty hard on myself about it. The fact of the matter is, some days it’s just not possible to do all the laundry, cook all the meals, scrub all the toilets, vacuum all the floors, and spend quality time with the kids. So, I’m learning to adjust what I see as an accomplishment. (Like, hey, I brushed my teeth today! I deserve a pat on the back!) I’m also realizing that I need to get back to having a creative outlet again. I haven’t started back to pottery yet, and I haven’t replaced it with anything either. I need to find something that works well with me having to nurse an infant.
So that’s a little bit of the view into my cluttered and dusty attic these days. The above shot of Selah was of course, taken by my uber-talented husband, Kev.
Philippians 4:13 — I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
“The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success.”
I don’t know who wrote this, but a friend sent it to me in an email today, and it just really was the right thing for me to read this morning. It’s been a rough last 18 hours for me. Yesterday evening, I got stung by a wasp on my hand and the top of my head. I can’t say what it hurt like, but stick your own expletive in there and you’ve got it! It hurt for at least 7 hours. Now it itches like crazy. Unfortunately, I also needed to get packed (for four!) too head up to my parents for the weekend while Kevin goes on a mini-tour with his band to Denver. This morning I’m running around like a mad-woman trying to pull it all together so we can leave with Kev. I’m stressed (but hey, I’m probably losing weight!), and this was just what I needed to hear. So this morning, I’m letting Jesus steer. And how did I have time to write this you ask? Well, I’m nursing Selah- a blessing in disguise.
So…any of my buddies who live here in town smell that lovely natural gas smell last night? (I’m writing this last night, and omigosh I hope the smell is gone tomorrow!) At about 11:30 pm Kevin and I noticed the smell of natural gas…all over the place. We kind of panicked, got the boys off the floor (and all on my bed), and got ready to leave the house if we had to. Kevin called 911 in the process to report the leak or what ever it was. After he told the operator about the gas leak, she explained that a tank carrying just the odor (because natural gas is actually odorless, they add the smell to make it detectable) was hit, and apparently the whole valley smells like natural gas. “Naturally” this was not the first report of it that poor operator had or will receive tonight. Grrrrrr! I’m so annoyed. It stinks in my house really bad and it is starting to give me a headache.