For the past two years of my life, I had been having a pretty hard time. I was going around feeling sorry for myself and thinking that I was just a mooch and pretty much useless. I was jealous of other people who had “real” jobs, and not happy that I was stuck at home taking care of a kid. I had a breakdown last October while in Gunnison at one of my husband’s shows. This particular show was a big breakthrough for his band and everyone was so happy about it except me. I was carrying this huge weight around with me and it felt really heavy that weekend. Traveling with a toddler and being five months pregnant is not easy. I just really wished and prayed that I could for once be happy with the way my life was, to be satisfied and content.
Content: happy enough with what one has or is: not desiring something more or different: satisfied
At Christmastime I went to church and heard the message of Jesus’ birth and all the same old stuff, but something different struck me about it this time. I realized for the first time how important Mary’s role in the life of Jesus was. She gave her body so he could be born, and then she raised him. Mary was Jesus’ mother. What would Jesus have been without a mother? It dawned on me that being a mother is so important that God chose to highlight that role when he sent his Son to Earth. I realized then that what I am doing, sacrificing my time, my body, my life, energy, sometimes happiness, is one of the most important roles that anyone could ever fill in life. And I thank God for revealing that much to me.
Now that my second son has been born I have been experiencing a contentment that I don’t think I’ve ever felt. I’m really happy with my two sons and my family and feel very complete and fortunate now. I’m embracing my role as a mother, realizing that I have a lot of control over how my sons turn out, and that its a big job, an important job, a highly useful job that I must do to the best of my ability. I’m not a mooch because I am taking care of needs my husband never could (and, sorry, but no daycare worker could better than me) because he is fulfilling his role of supporting our family. I chose this role and I’m happy to be in it. I’m thrilled to be hearing the snores of my newborn and look at his sweet little face as he’s sleeping, and delighted to hear my two year old tell me that its “byooful” outside. Thank you God for seeing enough in me to allow me to become a mother and bless me with a wonderful family. Thank you for showing me how important I am. You’re Awesome, God!