I have been having a hard time with the whole blogging thing lately. I know I’m not the first to talk about this problem-o. But I thought maybe if I vented it would help break my blogger’s-block. You see, you start these things out, and everything is great. You’ve got this new project, this fun thing. You think you can share, vent, maybe get out all those unexpressed emotions or just write someone a new @$#hole when you feel like it. And you’re so excited and proud of your new creation that you tell everyone, everyone like your family and friends and so on and so forth. And then soon lots of people know about it, and maybe people you didn’t expressly want to know about it. Then you realize you’ve created this problem for yourself. Now that everyone knows about your online diary, if you will, you will have to censor yourself and watch what you say. You can’t exactly vent about how so and so really creeps you out, because they might read it! And sometimes you get so neurotic about things that even if something is appropriate to post about, you worry that the way in which you express things about it will offend or confuse someone who experienced that same thing with you. Or you worry that people will get the wrong idea about you, or not realize when you are just joking about something. You get the picture.
Then there is this other aspect that you worry about…all those online weirdos that are looking for less than pure reasons..etc. So then you have to analyze every word you publish and wonder if anyone can figure out your vitals from them.
It just gets to the point where sometimes, it’s not fun anymore, especially if your a neurotic obsessive compulsive paranoid schizo like me. (Joking, people.)
But I can’t just vent about all this- I have to say that most of the time, blogging is very rewarding. Whether you do get to vent out something that is really bugging you (can you tell that’s important to me?) or write someone a tribute or share some funny or interesting news, whether you get fun feedback and make new, if faceless, friends, whether it’s pride in something you’ve created that is almost totally your own, or learning new website tricks all the time, or reading other peoples thoughts, stories, jokes, what have you…I guess it is still worth it. So I’m going to keep blogging, of course, but I’m going to try not to let things bug me so much. I’m not going to worry about who I might offend, and I’m going to really represent who I really am, and who I’m struggling to become. I’m going to share the funny stories, if piddly, and when my son gets his first tooth, or when I’m in a bad mood. Because, I started this blog for me…it’s about me…it’s for my own enjoyment… I just choose to share it with the whole www. So if you like what you read, I’m glad and I hope you keep reading. If you don’t like what you read… TOO BAD! Go get your voyeur kicks somewhere else!
Not that anyone has ever been mean to me or done anything questionable or wrote anything terrible or threatening or scary in relation to my blog. This is just stuff I worry about in my own head. Thoughts, I’ve been having trouble ignoring, and thoughts I would like to really give up to God. I share because I know lots of you people out there can relate and understand, and that kinda makes me feel better. And if I’ve helped you out in anyway too, that is always a plus.
Anyways, as always, thanks for letting me vent. And thank you to those of you who are unassuming, non-judgemental, and laid back and fun and non-threatening. Enjoy.